An Alarm Woke Me Up from Negative Thoughts (well, some of them)
One evening in break time, I went to buy bread in a convenient store in the hospital where I’m practicing clinical clerkship. I was eating it in a lounge next to the store when an alarm suddenly echoed throughout the place. I was so surprised, but then I saw a grandpa sitting next to the window pulled his phone out.
I kind of relieved. The sound of alarm just makes me startle. Not because I’m afraid that there’ll be a disaster, earthquake, or anything, but I always wake up by the alarm clock I set up every morning. Now when I hear it, I feel like I need to wake up.
Speaking of waking up, I suddenly thought of something. What if all of these thing - getting a scholarship to study in Japan, meeting many kind and amazing people whom I never thought that I would encounter, learning and going through many experiences in adolescence, and practicing in this wonderful hospital - were just in my dream because I subconsciously wanted them so bad? And what if this alarm was the point where I woke up, similar to waking up from peeing yourself both in a dream and reality?
I must be devastated…
The feeling I would get first may be regret. Regret that I didn’t appreciate the things people around me did to me because of the self-absorbed, selfish, and immature mind in me. Likewise, I would regret that I always overthought of negative things every day even though nothing really happened, and that I always interpret everything in a negative way. I would keep on being this negative person after the waking up because of this big regret…
Really?
Would I choose to blame myself for the mistake which ruined this potentially the best dream I ever had?
Or would I use this long dream as a lesson to change myself?
I don’t know…
What I know is that the above imagination opens my eyes to know what to treasure - the good deeds people did to me. One more thing I will do is stopping my negative thought before it’s too late!
P.S. Wow, this article is more difficult to write in English than I thought. I became confused about the tense I should use in the imagination because it’s in the second conditional clause!
